Tag / Relationships

Have you been making assumptions without facts? Here's why that spells trouble.
Forgiveness Inspiration Kindness Life relationships Self Help Wellness

Making Assumptions Without Facts? Think Again.

Assumptions are very dangerous things, especially in our personal lives. Assumptions get people in trouble daily and when combined with misinformation,  are frankly downright disrespectful. They manifest as accusations, unkind words and often gossip.

Think I am alone in that belief? Not so much. author don Miguel Ruiz, in his well-regarded best seller puts it this way:

“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”
― Miguel RuizThe Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

And this:

The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth! We invent a whole story that’s only truth for us, but we believe it. One assumption leads to another assumption; we jump to conclusions, and we take our story very personally. Then we blame others and react by sending emotional poison with our word. (Emphasis added).

That said, I recognize everyone has a bad day, a bad week and forgiveness is often in order. But perhaps the next time you are tempted to make assumptions, you might want to communicate, ask questions if appropriate, apologize and promise to do better the next time.

ps…This post in no way was inspired by family members near or far. xo

With love,

Patty Comeford Adams

CEO, YOURENEVERSTUCK.COM

I'm officially declaring the 2017 the year of the PERSONAL PURGE. Want to join me? Read on.
Change Inspiration Kindness Life Self Care Self Help Stuck Success

2017 : THE YEAR OF THE PURGE

Hello Lovelies~

I’m officially declaring the 2017 the year of the PERSONAL PURGE. Want to join me?  Read on.

Early last summer, while we were in Jackson Hole,  I came to the painful realization that certain people I had in my personal life were either ripping me off, not reciprocating, causing trouble in close relationships, not doing their job, treating those I love with disrespect, or gossiping etc etc. Ouch, right?

Some of these are people were people I loved and cared for immensely, entertained in my home, did work for me or ones I mistakenly considered friends. Double ouch.

But as the old saying goes, “Once shame on you. Twice shame on me”. So shame on them and shame on me -but no more!

So with that wisdom, here is some straight talk on what I am purging in 2017:

 

  1. Personal One-sided Relationships:

    If I have shown up for you and you don’t bother to show up for me and I have expressed that concern and you did nothing. Then sorry— our friendship is probably doomed.  Friendships mean the world  to me. My women friends have saved me over and over again whether it be the loss of my parents, moving, sale of a business or what-not. I take them seriously. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but what I do know is this: I am a fiercely loyal friend, I show up for you. Also, I straight talk with you and expect you to straight talk with me.

  2. Gossip-mongers: 

    If you spend connecting with people by gossiping about them, it’s pretty simple. I am sad for you. And I am purging you.

  3. Victims: 

    If you run around to acquaintances/friends/business associates playing the victim, all I can say is this: Everyone knows what you are up to and nobody respects you. I spoke my truth recently to  a man who has left his wife in the lurch. His response was to be a victim and blame it all on her. Quite telling, mais oui?

  4. Takers: 

    Related to #1, if all you do is take from me and my family (money, our possessions, our time) and don’t give back to the world or others, you are gone. As the Judge that I worked for all through law school used to say, “Patty, you don’t have to be smart to be a criminal”. Enough said.

  5. Abusers: 

    If you mess with my family, people I love and care about, my authentic friends, you too are gone.

  6. Clothes and More Clothes:  

    I have purged my closet to its core. Truth be told, much of this was the result of losing 20 pounds (10 0f which are back) when I was so sick this summer but does it ever feel good to get rid of stuff !   Getting rid of stuff  is often painful for all of us.  In this case it wasn’t because I donated much of it to my dear blogger/friend/social worker extraordinaire Susan Kanoff Andrews and her amazing blog and new and widely popular charity, Uncommon Threads.

But the real magic in all of this is that one I purged the above, wonderful things happened. A new home. New loving friendships. New possibilities. All of this purging is so liberating. I feel so very free and have so much more time for those I love and love me.

Thoughts? I’d love to hear from you!

 

A big thank you to Jeanne Comeford,  Cathy Comeford, my husband, Jessica Adams, Jocelyn Vodnick, Carolyn Brown,  Tonia Maloney, Kelly Richardson,  Rebecca Bond, bff Patty Hamm (pictured above), book maven Andrea Katz @grtthoughts, and Twitter sweetheart Sharon Antonio. Last but not least, a thank you to my adorable granddaughters and grandsons who give me strength and hope every day. No, I’m not your biological grandma but I sure am blessed to have you in my life and I love you to the moon and back. xoxo.

Finding Love After 50
Inspiration

Finding Love After 50

Valentine’s week is upon us. For many it’s about candy, flowers and gifts but for others it’s a painful time. It doesn’t help that like our other holidays, it’s commercialized to the hilt.  A break-up. A death. Divorce.  Loneliness.  These are the things the advertisers ignore but they are real. As I shared in earlier post here , for many years I was lost in the relationship department. So today, I thought I’d share some thoughts on finding love after 50. And heh, I’ve also introduced several couples who eventually married, so listen up!

Valentine’s Gifts for the Fashionista in Your Life
Fashion and Style Inspiration

5 Valentine Gifts for the Fashionista in Your Life

Valentine gifts. They can be tricky. Women readers, this is one of those posts you can casually forward to your husband, boyfriend or crush, so get ready. Male readers, if you have a fashionista who is a challenge to buy gifts for each year on Valentine’s Day, we’ve got you covered! You are going to be a style hero to your valentine. Lucky you! To make your shopping experience much easier, I have put together five great

Valentine Gifts for the fashionista in your life!

Inspiration

What NOT To Say To Someone Who’s Depressed

Have those post holiday blues? Well, you’re not alone and it can be quite unpleasant. That said, please keep in mind that this is typically very different from clinical depression.

Depression is a disease with a variety of often disabling manifestations. In depth information about depression can be found via one of my favorite mental health writers and activists, Therese Borchard. Theresa is an inspiration in every sense of the word-writing and blogging about “taboo subjects” such as depression, anxiety, suicide and mania. She’s incredibly brave and wise and I hope you will visit her blog here.

If you have ever experienced clinical depression, you will love her top 10 thing not to say to someone who is depressed:

5 Polite Ways To Respond To a Rude Comment
Inspiration

5 Polite Ways To Respond To a Rude Comment

I know a lot of people are entertained by snark but I happen to find it super rude. And funny?  Not so much.  That said, there will always be a time in our lives that we will encounter such rudeness and the Holidays are no exception. In fact, it just happened to be a few months ago. I confess that it rendered me speechless and I stewed about it for days. Not good. So I got to wondering…

What do you do when you encounter rudeness? Do you respond in a snarky way right back? Given the old adage, two wrongs will never make a right, I think we can do better.  Perhaps (though sadly not so often),  you will even help the person realize that what she (or he) did and give him or her pause the next time.  

Here are some polite ways to respond to a rude comment: 

What to do when you forget someone's name
Inspiration

What To Do When You Forget Someone’s Name

It happens to everyone soon or later, especially in our 5o’s and beyond. You run into someone you know, perhaps in an out of context setting, and you go blank. In fact, “Le Husband” and I often joke that I typically  remember the first name and he remembers the second; so somehow we patch it together!  It’s even more embarrassing when you are in charge of introductions.  So what do you do when you forget someone’s name?

According to Benjamin Levy, a memory trainer (yes, they exist),  and the author of Remember Every Name Every Time: Corporate America’s Memory Master Reveals His Secrets , there’s no telling when your memory is going to flash an “out of order” sign.   However, he assures us that there’s no need to panic. I say, “Well then, show me what to do  Benjamin!”

Here are 7 of Levy’s recommendations:

Giveaway! Friendkeeping a Book by Julie Klam
Giveaway

Giveaway! Friendkeeping a Book by Julie Klam

Hello Dear Ones!  I’m so excited to announce our next GIVEAWAY!

Our next free giveaway is from the best selling author Julie Klam!!  Like many other wonderful folks, I met Julie through our beloved daughter-in-law, Lisa Adams. Julie and her “writing possy” were not only of great comfort to Lisa but made her laugh amidst the dark days of metastatic breast cancer. For this and many other reasons you will quickly uncover, I simply adore her. The lucky winner of this book is in for a treat!

A bit about Julie: Julie Klam grew up in Bedford, New York. After attending NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts and interning at Late Night with David Letterman, she went on to write for such publications as O: The Oprah Magazine, Rolling Stone, Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, Redbook, Family Circle, The New York Times Magazine, and The New York Times Book Review and for the VH1 television show Pop-Up Video, where she earned an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Special Class Writing. She is the author of four books, Please Excuse My Daughter, You Had Me At Woof, Love At First Bark, and Friendkeeping, she is at work on her fifth book. Julie also writes a wonderful column on Friendship for Dame Magazine, called Dear Julie. You can find that here.

Julie lives in Manhattan with her daughter, dogs, and Dan.

Enter to win!
Friendkeeping Book
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Giveaway begins now and will end at midnight Monday, November 16th.

*** You must complete all entry options in order to be eligible to win.***

All entries will be verified.

Good luck all!

Patty Signature 1

ps. If you just can’t stand to wait or want to order any of Julie’s books, you can do so here. Any and all affiliate funds received for this post, will be donated to the Lisa Adams Memorial Metastatic Research Fund Kettering here. And don’t forget to write into Julie for all your questions on Friendship & Friendkeeping.

7 Tips to Great Dinner Party Conversations
Inspiration

7 Tips to Great Dinner Party Conversations

I love a good dinner party! But have you ever hosted a dinner party, business lunch or event and feel like conversation just went flat or felt the odd person out? Well, it’s happened to me so here are seven ways around it. They work at home, wіth frіеndѕ, and even at work. And since the holidays are upon us, here you go:

A life well LIVED. #RememberLisa
Inspiration

A life well LIVED. #RememberLisa

As much as writing is often “therapy,” for obvious reasons the last couple days  have found me at a loss for words. Now emerging a bit, a couple of observations:

Much has been written about social media and the demise of our society. In fact, my last blog post on what I am calling the #CurtShillingMovement touched on both the bad and the good of social media. The last few days however have re-affirmed for me the good. Case in point: the social media outpouring of love about the life, tweets and writings of daughter-in-law, Lisa Bonchek Adams, under the hashtag #rememberLisa.

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