You’re Never Stuck. …Really.
I know it sure feels like we are stuck sometimes. In fact, here I am with a company called “You’re Never Stuck, Inc.” and I spent the last few years feeling very, very stuck. Geeeeezzzzz, talk about the irony! But here’s the thing, being stuck is all in our minds. It’s not real. I just thought I was stuck. But guess what. I wasn’t stuck and neither are you. It was/ is just a feeling ~ and you have the power to change that.
But wait!!! Where is all this coming from and who the heck am I ???
Yeah, I’m the author of Lessons From a Headhunter….with Heart and someone who sold her company to a public company against all odds. A “recovered lawyer”. And yes, I’m a business, branding and career strategist. But the journey there …and the journey we are all on now is much more revealing.
You see, I was one of those unhappy young women lawyers sporting a bow-tie (yikes–total fashion don’t) working in a fancy law firm making more money at age 29 than she had ever dreamed of. And I was one of three women in the entire 35 person law firm and, frankly in 1989, they didn’t really know what to do with us. So the joke was that most of the women lawyer’s time “courtroom experience” was spent in Conciliation Court versus Federal Court. Hmmmmm. Anyway, despite working through college and law school, I had tons of school loans. Law school is very expensive. And I had lots of other debt because I just “had” to buy the fancy car. Had to have the “nice” apartment. The nice clothes.
But I was miserable. Really miserable. The kind of miserable where I had to talk myself into going into work each and every day. Definitely depression — but nobody talked about openly in 1989. So….. I quit my job…. to start a business. Now don’t go quitting your job because I did. I want to make it perfectly clear that I did a lot of work before I quit. I had a market study done to advise on whether it was a viable idea. I wrote a detailed business plan. Made a budget. Created some tremendous mentor relationships with other entrepreneurs, etc. And then, I quit.
My family thought I had lost it. I had senior partners in the law firm tell me I would fail and others tell me behind closed doors that they felt trapped and wish they had the guts to leave. A guy I was seeing who was a lawyer didn’t want to date me anymore because he was so freaked out. My friends thought it was surreal (and probably really stupid). Everybody told me I would fail.
Because I wasn’t thinking, I started the business with $500.00 (not smart) and no investors (subject for another blog). I had many, many years where I didn’t know if I would make it. And I read everything I could get my hands on about the Law of Attraction & Louise Hay, etc., etc., etc., (way pre-“Secret” folks! ). I worked the principles hard. Affirmations, Vision Boards, Manifestations, etc., etc. And I worked hard the old fashioned way.
It worked. Big time. In 2007, just like I had manifested, I received a call from a public company wanting a Minneapolis presence. I told them I had just written a book, wasn’t ready to sell and would think about it only if they didn’t require me to stay and work for them. “Everybody “said it wouldn’t work–that I would have to do an “earn out” for 3 to 5 years. But guess what. I sold on my birthday in 2007, and walked away 3 days later.
I’m not telling you this to brag. I am telling you this because if a 29 year old midwesterner with a political science major who still struggles with spreadsheets can pull off her dreams, you can too! I’m no genius. I made a ridiculous amount of mistakes along the way. I hired and promoted many wrong people. I learned and then hired and promoted many right people. (But not perfectly). And I believed. I worked hard. Really hard. But most importantly, I believed in myself unconditionally and as they say in the law of attraction, planted seeds and kept nurturing them along. It worked for me and it can work for you. Really, Really, Really work for you.
This Blog’s About …
So this blog is all about lessons learned along the way and lessons I, my clients, friends, mentors continue to learn at deeper and deeper levels. Besides talking about branding, interview tips, starting a business, selling a business, etc., etc., etc ., there is going to be a whole lot of talk about the “stuff” all around those issues. Fear. Money Beliefs. Grief. Relationships. Spirituality. Excuses. Co-dependency. Manifestation. Faith. Laughter. And why? Because one very interesting things I was privileged to learn as a search consultant is that everybody is afraid. Everybody feels alone. The Ceo, the CFO, the General Counsel. Pick your title….everybody is in the same boat. Especially now.
So let’s begin this journey together by stopping the self-shame. We’re human. We all get scared. We all make mistakes. Fear seems to be everywhere. Everybody is asking “How am I gonna find a job in this economy?” “Support my family?” They feel stuck. They are scared. Really scared.
So the big thing I’ve been telling my clients who feel stuck to begin by taking a”baby step”. Think of it as a “shift” or “tweak” if that helps frame it or if taking a step feels to scary. And that baby step is: take your power back. Some of the ways you can do this effortlessly include:
- Take control of your environment. Take control of that remote (change the channel or turn it off if need be).
If reading the paper or watching the news bums you out as it does me, stop reading the articles on how bad it is out there and read/listen to only the positive stuff out there. Read the hysterical funny but incredibly wise work of Dr. Martha Beck at www.marthabeck.com. Read Marianne Williamson www.marianne.com. Read Danielle LaPorte’s fabulous blog, http://www.daniellelaporte.com/. Check out www.workingkind.com. Learn about powerful method of inquiry (4 questions people!) called ” The Work” by the very cool Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is. Watch Harvard trained brain scientist’s Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s video (www.ted.org or on www.youtube.com) of not only how it feels to have a stroke but she now uses it to create inner peace. You will weep with joy. I did.
- A big shout here to Molly Hershey, Tom Keller, Linda Elwell, Patty Hamm, Amy Driscoll for helping me through some dark days ~ your unconditional love, wisdom and kindness astounds me. (Thank you from the bottom of my heart).
- Stop comparing yourself to other people & lose the “should”. Or saying I’m 50 and I have to start over??? Comparing yourself just feels plain icky and it doesn’t work. Everybody I know is starting over in some aspect of their life be it their job, their relationship, their finances. Focusing on how it “should be” versus “what is” doesn’t work and only keeps you stuck. “Should’s” are all about shame.
- Find ways to comfort yourself — be it a hot bath or a walk. I have come to know if it is free, it comforts you more. Forget buying “stuff “to make you feel better. It is just stuff. It’s not real. What is real is the truth. The truth always reveals (thank again Mol). If you stand in your truth, you no longer are stuck and good things happen.
- And, no matter what the other person does to you or doesn’t do, remember that YOU can end on love no matter what. Trust me.