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What’s It All About Patty Comeford??
Much like before we’re relaunching our
Celebrating Women Over 50 everywhere
So what exactly are we all about?
(‘Cause Fashion is changes but style endures…ask Coco)
(But of course)
(‘Cause stuff happens)
(‘Cause even more stuff happens)
Business & Customer Loyalty
(‘Cause dreams and customer service matter)
(‘Cause books are everything)
Family & Friendship
(‘Cause they make life rich)
Spirituality & Faith
(‘Cause that’s what really matters)
Advice on Getting Unstuck
(‘Cause I wrote a book about that very issue:
Lessons From A Headhunter With Heart)
and, of course…
So, pretty much everything.
I promise that it’ll be loaded with Fun too!
(‘Cause I’m Fun!)
Please don’t tell our designers….
But we couldn’t wait
they finish up with the new site
before we shared …
our new name!!!
ps. (We suck at secrets)
(in a good way)
pps. Ignore that Pesky You’re Never Stuck Logo, would ya?
Yesterday’s blog post got quite a reaction from folks. Thank you all for your lovely emails and notes. Yes I apologized to my acquaintance, yes it was accepted and in time healing (whatever that looks like) will emerge. For me the beauty of the apology was that it freed me to see things very differently and let go. I’m calling it a success!
Today as promised, I want to share another piece of Harriet Lerner’s book, Why Can’t You Apologize? that struck a cord with me. That piece surrounds that crazy feeling we as men and women have when someone just won’t apologize no matter what. It’s almost as if it is in their DNA and it can drive one crazy.
This is where Lerner’s wise counsel shines through. She reminds us:
“People’s sense of self-worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they’ve caused. The more solid one’s sense of self-regard, the more likely that that person can feel empathy and compassion for the hurt party, and apologize from an authentic center”.
“No individual will feel accountable and genuinely remorseful-no matter how well you communicate-if doing so threatens to define him or her in an unacceptable or intolerable way. The other person’s willingness to own up to harmful deeds has nothing to do with how much she or he does or doesn’t love you.”
Lerner goes onto remind us that And we can’t give it to another person; they can only claim that themselves.the capacity to take responsibility, feel empathy and remorse and offer a meaningful apology is related to how much self-love and self-respect that particular person has available. And Lerner reminds us also that we can’t give it to them, they have to claim it.
Powerful, right? It’s so easy to take it on, second guess ourselves, and think it’s all about us. It’s so easy to beat ourselves and the other person up. But instead, it’s a lot more helpful to remember that it’s really about a person’s own self-love and self-respect. If on some level a person can’t apologize for their actions, Lerner reminds us that it may be their shame taking over as a coping mechanism.
So what are your thoughts? I’d love to hear as always
I have been reading the most amazing new book by esteemed author Harriet Lerner (who wrote amidst others, best sellers The Dance of Anger, The Dance of Intimacy) entitled ,
Why Won’t You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Every Day Hurts.
Can I just say the book was everything I hoped for and also way more?
As one might expect the book walks the reader through what is a true vs psuedo (i.e. in current pop cultue the “fake apology”), all the ways we humans frequently ruin an apology, relationship -busting apologies, etc and much, much more.
There were three important things that I learned in this book. The first of which I will share today: I needed to lovingly apologize to someone important to me.
On some level, I probably bought the book thinking it would validate my thinking: how that person owed me an apology and how they screwed up a conversation. Instead what happened was this: I realized how wrong and inconsiderate I had been, how I owed that person an apology and how I screwed our conversation up. Not one of the lessons of what I was expecting but that’s in part why I loved the book so much. It lovingly and respectfully changed my thinking. Talk about the proverbial “aha moment”, making it well worth the purchase.
So with the wise counsel of the book and with great care, I unequivocally apologized. No excuses. No “I am sorry that you feel that way” nonsense. No, “I am sorry ; it happened because I was doing/thinking/believing this nonsense. Just a heartfelt unequivocal apology. I have no idea how that will all shake out and I won’t pressure this person to forgive me but darn if it doesn’t feel like a big personal growth spurt at the age of 57.
Further it’s a great reminder that if we continue to work on our scars, bumps and lumps, we are never stuck.
Ps. This is not a sponsored post. Should you be interested, you can find the book on Amazon here https://www.amazon.com/Why-Wont-You-Apologize-Betrayals-ebook/dp/B01CO349DY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491302717&sr=8-1&keywords=why+can%27t+you+apologize:
Happy International Woman’s Day!
Today’s a day filled with protests, shopping boycotts and the like. I get it. These are strange times and in some ways things seem to be returning to dark ages. Sheesh, all I can think of is, how did we get here?
As I’m working hard not to be discouraged by the constant acrimony that is out there, today I’m celebrating International Woman’s Day in the following way:
- being mindful of the many wonderful women and grandchildren of all ages who have graced my life;
- being mindful of how lucky I am to have these amazing woman in my life; and
- telling these beautiful women how lucky I am to have them surround me in good times and in bad and making sure they know that I am always there for them;
- being mindful that, as the Sioux Indians remind us life is both giving and receiving.
The picture here (an oldie) is one of my amazing step-mom who even after my Dad’s death remains an incredibly important woman in my life. She has been there for me through thick and thin and do I ever feel blessed.
I wish you a heart-filled day celebrating all the wonderful women in your life.